Woody Allen
sitemanagerI believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Woody Allen
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
Woody Allen
The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night.
Woody Allen
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good.
Woody Allen
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Woody Allen
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the…
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Woody Allen
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Woody Allen
Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
Woody Allen
I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.