Steve Martin
sitemanagerHosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.
Steve Martin
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Steve Martin
Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.
Steve Martin
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Steve Martin
You know what your problem is? It's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.
Steve Martin
Stand-up comedy is transient. History shows that you can stand up for so long; after that, you're asked to sit down.
Steve Martin
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
Steve Martin
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
Steve Martin
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.
Steve Martin
Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!
Steve Martin
I could not handle being a woman, I would stay home all day and play with my breasts.
Steve Martin
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Steve Martin
What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you're standing.
Steve Martin
All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
Steve Martin
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
Steve Martin
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.