Henny Youngman
sitemanagerI once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henny Youngman
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henny Youngman
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.